Signs of the End

Another side effect of sleep deprivation is extreme mind musing.  For someone with an off-the-wall imagination, this could pose some peculiar questions and scenarios.  Tonight's late-night lingering thoughts may also be on your mind if you're a strongly superstitious web surfer or weird news fiend.  It appears the end is drawing near...

Top 10 Apocalyptic Possibilities

1. Zombies: I imagined the apocalypse to break out in a major metropolitan city or in some twisted government-run medical facility.  Never thought the flesh eating shenanigans would begin in the sunshine state.  The recent grisly sequence of events involving real people eating real faces, among other zombie-like behavior, appear to be sprouting in Florida...and spreading.

Not sure what I'm talking about? Here's the article that rocked my mind.  Be warned: These are some compelling clues.

2. Aliens: If you've seen the show, "Ancient Aliens," you know that Giorgio A. Tsoukalos' hair is bitching and a guy with that much confidence MUST be telling some truth.  The show is currently in it's 4th season and still rocking hard on the Ancient Astronaut Theory.  Real or not, it sure makes cracking life's mysteries easier.

3. HACK: Whether it's for iPhone, Gmail, Linkedin, or Steam, our digital era is becoming more vulnerable to viruses and hacks.  How is this going to be the demise of (wo)man kind?

Here's my Final Fantasy VII theory:

For those unfortunate beings who aren't familiar with the greatest game story of all time, Sephiroth's objective is to summon Meteor, the most powerful offensive attack, in hopes to injure the planet so the life stream will come save the day.  Once exposed, Sephiroth would then absorb the life force from the life stream and become a god and everyone dies.  The end.

4. Medicine: They all have disclaimers and for some reason, they all seem to have similar warnings...death.  What is supposed to make us better may actually kill us all.

5. Global Energy Crisis: Oil prices are rising, coal is ridiculous, power cuts are plaguing nations, rolling blackouts are becoming more common, and the global demand for energy keeps growing.  Doomed...

6. Tsunami Hurricane: With the way global warming is progressing, we're bound to see angrier weather and more natural disasters.  Of the following three extreme disasters, which do you prefer?

- Earthquake squash
- Volcano sizzle
- Tsurricane suffer
- Frozen tundra

7. Mermaids: The freakiest discovery of the modern age, imo.  One random Sunday evening while surfing the tele, I crashed upon Animal Planet's "Mermaids: The Body Found" film.  Part of it's Monster Week, this special presented evidence of the existence of our flippy finned ancestors.  This would probably happen soon after the Tsunami Hurricane and mankind will be doomed because Mermaids are cannibals and also like to collect thingamabobs, whozits, and whatzits.

 

8. Vampires: They're trending and everywhere.  A legion of blood-sucking themed pop culture has already consumed teenagers and stay-at-home mothers all over the world.  Vampires can exert their charisma and mesmerize a victim into paralysis.  It already has begun...

9. Werewolves: They seem to go hand-in-hand with Vampires.  You saw what happened to Michael Jackson in Thriller.  Just carry silver forks around everywhere you go if this happens...or bullets...

10. Return of the J: The greatest host of all time will finally open the doors to his pad where he'll host the greatest party of all time.  You'll need to be on the guest list.  If not, then you'll be left behind to deal with one or all of the above.  Tip: It helps to know someone at the party.

...and with that, I bid you, goodnight.

Side Effects of Sleep Deprivation

Infomercials...


They get into full swing around 1AM, which is the universal cue to switch off the tube and hit the sack. Instead, I lie awake and watch because I'm restless and find the droning sounds somewhat comforting. It's almost like a mother reading her child a story before bed except my digital mother is telling me I'm a fat ass and desperately need to buy this exercise program within the next 15 minutes or else I have to pay full price and will regret my life for the rest of life.  Yet, a sudden sense of motivation kicks in as these blatantly scripted, cheesy infomercials somehow mesmerize and hypnotize my vulnerable senses. A strange phenomenon occurs which I'll refer to as:

The Late Night Broken Promises

The later that sleep consumes me the more severe the situation becomes. Additional factors that add to the severity of this mental state include:


- Stress over work/career
- Financial woes
- Indigestion or heart burn
- Boredom
- Fattiness (or Fluffiness to put it in nicer words)


The mouse on duty that turns the wheel in my thinking cap gets karate kicked out by a badger (because badger's don't give a shit) who hijacks my thoughts and takes it on a joy ride to possibili-land.  Soon after, the unrealistic expectations and goals begin...


"Starting tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up and go for a 3 mile run!"
"I should just get that tattoo..."
"Maybe I'll try that no carb diet just for a week..."
"Ugh, why did I eat so much? I'm not going to do that anymore."
"I'll cut back on the caffeine this week..."
"I hate alcohol; I'm not going to drink at all next month"
"How is it 2AM already? I'm going to sleep earlier tomorrow..."
"This beer belly... I'm sticking to wine."
"I'll fold my laundry first thing when I get home from work!"
"Wow, I wonder how these people got on these infomercials.  Should I submit a video?"
"I think I'll try making that cheesecake this weekend!"
"I wonder if this infomercial actually is selling a product that works?  Maybe I'll try it out??"
"Tomorrow, I'll give *insert annoying coworker's name here* another chance and be a nicer person."
"I'll start that new blog post!"


If I'm lucky, I won't wake up tossing and turning at 5AM only to fall back asleep 30 minutes before I have to officially get out of bed.  If I fell asleep much later, my deep sleep would be rudely interrupted by the trumpeting intro of the Rocky Balboa theme song strategically set as my alarm.  By this point, half of the above promises are already broken.  It's too late to go for that run, toast with peanut butter sounds delicious, coffee is desperately needed, laundry looks decent in it's current basket state, and the thought of encouraging side conversations with my annoying coworker does not sound appealing.  Throughout the day another promise made late the night before gets broken and by the end of the day, it's back to square one.  


Tonight, however, is different.  I've managed to write my first blog post in my newest edition of my 'chronicles' series.  Perhaps this is the beginning of something epic?!  It's midnight and I'm determined to fold this laundry.  


If you made it this far, you must either be a friend of mine or my sister.  Sweet Jesus, lord give you strength for making it to the end.


Good night.